Okay. Just came back from town. Parents making a HUGE HOOOO-HAAA about me getting back late. DUDE. I TOOK THE FRIGGEN BUS! CUT ME SOME SLACK! I'm gonna be 17 already. Are they gonna keep a short leach on me even when I'm 18?
Now both myself and my parents think I'M the problem on two different subjects.
My parents think that because I'M the oldest child in the family, I have to take responsibility for how my brother turns out. JUST BECAUSE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUCKING ROLE-MODEL! When the fuck can I lead my own life? When the fuck can I be able to freely do whatever I want? When the fuck can I live with nobody else's burden on my shoulders? So I would have to stay home for my brother's sake? come back home for my brother's sake? Clean up my act for my brother's sake? I am NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG! Ya. I resent to my fate. I AM THE PROBLEM.
Sometimes when things go wrong or when I get shoved aside, the first thing I would think to myself is "I think it's me. I'm the problem." I always think that everyone else is right and I'm the problem. Smite me to the ground people, because I would just take it anyway. I'm too tire to even try. I'll die trying.
I feel like just diverting the pain away just for a second. Just for that spilt second, I wanted to feel something else, but even that was taken away from me. Is it too much to ask for? Just a little bit of love?
Music: History by Funeral For A Friend.
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