The Rev.

Rest In Peace

Jimmy "The Reverend Tholomew Plague" Sullivan.

You've been a totally mind-blowing drummer. Your music will forever live on.

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

Long long ago....

.... I was writing in this blog almost everyday.... Slowly, it became rarely, then it became almost never. That's changing now! I will write. I miss writing in my blog...

Christmas is around the corner. 12 days away to be exact. I still have to get gifts and an outfit for myself. I'm thinking black dress with killer heels? I hope my ankle would be able to heal fully in time. I kinda sprained it about 2 weeks ago... Now it's still a little swollen but way better than it was...

Till Next time.

Ciao.

Can we last til the winter?

To Write Love On Her Arms.

Last year, I participated in To Write Love On YOUR Arms. This year shall be no different too.

Today on Friday the 13th, November 2009 is To Write Love On Her Arms Day. Many people think this is just a passing phase. What they do not understand is the idea behind it. TWLOHA is a non-profit organization which helps teens to battle depression and a whole lotta other self-damaging things. What is so hard about writing 4 letters on your arms? It might seem stupid, but as a whole, we are encouraging them that there's hope. There's love. I sure many of us have felt unloved, hopeless and at dead-end many a times. It's just one day. Once every year.

www.twloha.com

LOVE.♥

Tired

Jude and I are both very tired from the All Souls Day preparations. The preparations are almost complete with a bit more of stuff... Jude has been cleaning his place, I've been rushing my artworks... Oh well... :) at least we're looking forward to resting tonight!

Waiting waiting waiting...

Where's the class???
Is there history class today???

Kaleidoscope.

I just got an kaleidoscope! It's the kind that would turn everything you see into kaleidoscopic pictures! Fantastic isn't it? Jude got it for me. :)
Here's some pretty pictures I took through the eyepiece.

Days Like These.

Just came back from 2 whole days of fun. Dead tired. SLEEP.

Quack Douglas II Poses.

What a wonderful world.

Yesterday, my family, Jude and I went to Punggol Marina Country Club to celebrate my brother's 16th birthday with steamboat and beer. :) Happy birthday little bro! After eating and all, my parents and grandma headed home first. The three of us went to party somemore! Shisha, beer and swimming. Well the boys did the beer and swimming part. After we're done with the beer and all, we took a cab to Gardens, high as hell to have a game of Left 4 Dead. Hahaha!!! It was a fun and eventful night. :)

Here's the card I drew for Ricky.


And the inside...

?

What am I to say?

You've already thought of me this way.

So tell me now,

was it ever real?

Or was it all a doubt?

I Stare At The Floor And Study The Lines.

My heart will always be yours,
Even if yours will never be mine.

▼SCRTCH▼

Scratching you out on a piece of acrylic makes me happy.

It's not perfect, but I'm still working on it.

I miss you. I can't sleep because I've grown accustomed to your pillow, your comforters, your smell, and your warmth. Here it's just me and even my pillows no longer smell like me. It feels like a different place. ):

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime.

Say the word and I will follow you.
Share each day with me, each night, each morning.

Love me. That's all I ask of you.

The Clash.

Today is the day I have had it with Goh Aik Chuan. He can jolly well go take his Hokkien cussing and shove it up his arsehole. If he points at me with his fucking finger ever again, I WILL BREAK IT. I mean what I say. I WILL FUCKING BREAK IT IF HE POINTS SO FUCKING RUDELY AT ME AGAIN. Low EQ, what can I say? I'm sorry if I'm totally straight forward and frank, but THIS IS MY BLOG. It's MY channel to say what I want to say. AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO NAME PEOPLE WHO PISS ME OFF. Stop distracting the whole class with your LOUD FUCKED UP VOICE. Although I don't believe in stupid questions, the questions you ask are pretty stupid. Read up on your general knowledge before you start going around, acting like a know-it-all. SO WHAT IF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCE TEACHING FOR 6 MONTHS? It does not make you a better than us to BOAST. By the way, you have NOTHING to boast about. I don't know how much your students learned from you. Even if they did, I guess it must be how to speak really bad English.

I just really really dislike you. Stop coming my way. GET THE POINT? Since day 3 I do not want to be your friend. NO. NOT FRIENDS.

FUCK OFF.

FOR REAL.

←←←←←←Behind Behind Behind☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹

I'm so behind my school work.

School was ): for me today.

After school was fun! (:

Sadik and Alvin with their volcanos.

Speaking in keywords.

Gotta get back to work.

FMFL.

I've successfully, single-handedly, destroyed and screwed up my iBanking shitz, my ATM card, and God only knows what else I've screwed up.

Fuck My Fucking Life

One For Luck.

Jude will be going for his tonsillectomy tomorrow. I know it's just a minor surgery but you know, you just can't help but to feel nervous. Praying that everything will go well. One thing's for sure. The doctor won't have a problem operating in his mouth. It's like a landed property compared to mine. Mine's like a 2 room flat. Jeremy's like a studio apartment. HAHAHA!

Don't worry,

about a thing.

'Cos every little thing,

is gonna be alright.

Fuck you blogger.

Oh yea. My fucking blogger can't be formated again. So no pictures until further notice. FML

Spliff.

Today, I found out my that my brother has used the word Spliff wrongly on his post. In Singapore, you'll never go free with spliff in you pockets. He thinks spliff means drugs, when spliff mean Weed. He got that word from Skins. Bloody brainless fool. He thinks he's all-so Brit by using Brit slangs like "wanker", "twat" and shits like that. He's such a wanker. Literally. I mean come on. He's so doing it on purpose so that he looks cool. Nobody knows his other side. He never uses "twat". He use the term "chee-bye". Figure that out. If you read this, brother, seriously lay off on the Brit lingo. You're in Singapore, not Great Britain. Once or twice is fine, but you are pushing it so far people see you as a fake, as a wanna-be, as a poseur.

P.S. Kate Nash was soooo 2 years ago.

BEACHY BEACH.

Today was a day well-spent. The sun did not go to waste, neither did the sea. Jude's family and I spent our day at the beach, tanning, swimming and just enjoying a little R&R. Not Rock & Roll but Rest & Relax... (: Now I have not a golden tan but a RED TAN. Damn.... If I tanned as much as Sharon or Jude, I would have become Roasted Pork by the end of the day man. Really enjoyed today. If it wasn't for Jude's gift of prescribing me better medication, I think I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much as I did. Still coughing a little, but I've recover miraculously since yesterday's fever and non-stop coughing till morning. Thanks Judey Boy. I swear he's a genius.

I've just watched 300 on channel 5. I would say it's a pretty good movie. Hilarious at times but it really has a whole lot of inspirational quotes. I can't remember them all. Maybe I shall watch it again someday to catch them.

Freedom isn't free at all, that it comes with the highest of costs. The cost of blood.

Sick

I'M FUCKING SICK.

Cough! Cough! Wheeze...

I don't think I'll be going to school tomorrow. I'm coughing like someone with lung cancer... And I'm having shortness of breath too. I feel like I'm choking. I think I shall head down to the doctors to get it checked out again. I just went like on Monday. It was just a sore throat then. Now it's cough and shortness of breath. At least I can rest now. I've just finished Kay Kok's work. I need to invest in cheaper pencils.

Come on and tear my throat out,

stop me from screaming.

End this torture,

now, this evening.

Art Is Hard.

I'm still sketching and shading and drawing and cross-hatching and smudging and erasing.

First you don't, you don't succeed.
You gotta recreate your misery,
cause we all know art is hard,
young artists have gotta starve.
Try and fail and try again.
The comforts of repetition.

FML.

I lost my wallet.

FML.

My teacher was extremely nice for letting me leave class to go make a police report. (: I think she's an angel undercover or something.

So the plan tomorrow is to go get my IC done at the ICA building. Since I'm gonna be there, I'm gonna do up my passport too.

Things just happen and I just gotta accept it and deal with it.

Illuminate the "Nos"

on your "Vacancy" signs.

AT LAST! MY LOVE HAS COME ALONG.

HAHAH! AT LAST I CAN FORMAT MY BLOG POSTS AND POST PICTURES!

Today I felt extremely tired, I have no idea why, but yea.

I'm the best you ever had, and the best you shall never have again.

Baby's Sick.

Judey boy is sick. His tonsillitis is back. I accompanied him to his GP this morning and he asked for a referral letter to a specialist. He's thinking to get it removed because it keeps coming back. I think he's just too prone to it. Hopefully he gets better soon.

I died.

I died today in Basic Drawing A class... ): My art was shit compared to everyone else's. It did not even have a single good point... Well I guess it's not good enough. I swear my redone work is gonna rock Kay Kok's mind when she sees it next Friday. I think I can do it. I'm gonna blow shit up with my mind.

I'm so tired right now... But I can't sleep right away. I just ate.

BTW. I'm on a freaking strict diet. Freaking damn strict. No other drinks 'cept Good 'Ol H-TOO-OH... And NO fried food. And NO milk. Only Soy Milk. You get the picture. It's almost Vegan.

Fucking blogger can't post photos.

Watch You Sleep, While I Do My Art.

Hey people. I know I haven't been blogging much... So here I am, to update.

Judey's over at my place now. He's dead tired so he's sleeping. I love watching him sleep. And tucking him into bed.

The inspiration truck has hit me. I think. I have to do a drawing that is minimum A4 size, all about the texture of the rough, green side of the sponge. Yea. And I have decided to do... Beards. Yes. Beards. Beards on men. Maybe women... HAHA. Yea. I better get to it. If I don't finish, I think Kay Kok is gonna draw blood tomorrow. Till next time.

After the last midtown show.

I haven't been blogging lately. Partly because I've been in camps, partly because I don't feel like it.

Oh well, there's a lot of stuff coming up. (: Like MY BIRTHDAY PARTY! Be there or be square. HAHA! Okay. That line was totally uncalled for. If you wanna come, here are the details. It's gonna be held at a Duplex room at Costa Sands Pasir Ris. I have no idea which room yet but you can text me, or leave a comment, or email me for details. It'll be happening on the 11th of July. BBQ followed by hardcore partying till dawn. (: I think the theme is Rock 'n' Roll. HAHAHA! I have no idea yet.

Till I've got more interesting shitz...

LIL.

We were part of something ours and ours alone.

Fucked.

I fucked my own life a lot of the times. It's all fucked up because of shits I failed to do and shits that I have to do. Clashing times and dates. Too little time. Too much shits. And all these fuckups in turn fucks up somebody else's plans too... See how fucked it is?

I upset with myself right now. Right this very moment.

Sometimes I wish I can save you.

There's just so many things that I want to tell you. Things that I wish you will understand. I wish you would know what the fuck you're doing sometimes. What do I have to do to make you understand? If you want me to speak in a different language I would spend days and nights to just learn that language so long as you understand. Is it so much to ask for? For you to be normal? For you to just love yourself? For you to just be you, like when you used to? You'll never know the pain I feel for you. Never. Every single day, I think of you. I think of ways to help you. I think of ways to get to know you better. I think of ways on how I can be closer to you. I said "you can't save everyone" once. I guess it's a harsh reality, but I refuse to believe so. I want to save you. I need to. I need to save you. Because no one else will. Only me. I need to save you. You'll hate what I'll do but you have to understand where I'm coming from. Just understand me for once. Give yourself a chance to save yourself. Stop wasting it all away. You have youth, you have health. Don't throw it all away. You know I love you. So so much. But how much do you love yourself? What is your self-worth?

Take a breath

I pull myself together

Just another step till I reach the door

You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you

I wish that I could tell you something

To take it all away

From Paris to Berlin.

Believe it or not, Jude and I CYCLED on a BICYCLE from Sengkang to East Coast Park! Sounds crazy but doing it wasn't that crazy. (: It was fun. My bum is kinda aching now. Jude's shoulder started to ache on our way back. Hopefully it gets better... I wonder how much weight I lost just by that. HAHA! I love days like that when Jude's my bestfriend. Part-time lover, full-time friend. (:

So many people gonna say that they want you,
To try to get you thinking they really care,
But there's nothing like the warmth of the one

who has put in the time

and you know she's gonna be there.

If I fell, would you say that I'm clumsy?

I'm tired. I'm going to sleep.

If I fell in love with you,

will you promise to be true

and help me understand.

'Cos I've been in love before,

and I felt that love was more

than just holding hands.

Flaws.

I'm feeling like shit now. It has just been made known to me that I am lacking the manners I used to have. Why is it so hard to appreciate someone when you actually want to and appreciates? The thing is I didn't so I'm not making any excuses. I know you're disappointed in me. I'm really disappointed in myself too. It's time for me to open my eyes wide to see how fucked up I'm becoming.

MUM'S DAY.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to my one and only MUMMY.

Although we might not see eye to eye sometimes, you'll always be my mother. And I love you just for being my mother, guiding me through these past 17 (soon to be 18) years. I love you very much mummy and I know you love Ricky and I very much too! (:

P.S. I know you loved the presents. (:

Child you don't know

You'll never know how far they'd go

To give you all their love can give

To see you through and God it's true

They'd die for you, if they must, to see you live

Pinkey Rainey.

Hello world! I would love to introduce you to my Pink Bike, Rainey!

Well it's pretty pink eh? It looks nothing like when my brother and I first found it all abandoned by the drain man. Thanks to Jude, this baby's looking like a solar flare! Hours of scrubbing and sanding and washing and spraying. And of course 70 bucks of my measly salary to pay for new tubes, new tires, new front brakes (the back one had worthless metal piece missing), and new bolts and nuts. All that really paid off.

It's named Rainey. After Jude's 3rd name ( 1st:Jude, 2nd:Brian, 3rd:Rainey) because without him, this bike would have still been scrap metal. (and I would still have to walk to his place and back.)

We still have a little bit more to do, but it's looking AWESOME so far! (:

You've got this silly way
of keeping me on the edge of my seat
But you're only counting the clock against the train
And I'm miserable

And you're just getting started.

This Is For Keeps.

I feel awful. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

Eternity will never be enough for me

and eternally we'll live our infallible love

Fuck what others think.

Why Won't You?

I feel pretty sad now. I have no idea what exactly I'm sad about. I guess everything that I used to not notice that made me sad is making me sad now. I don't make sense do I? Yeah. Sad. More like moody.

I NEED THAT ICE CREAM I'VE BEEN CRAVING FOR WEEKS. But I shan't.

Got work early tomorrow. Gonna hit the sack. Hopefully tomorrow I wake up a little happier.

But I believe in you so much
I could die for the words that you say
But i believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say

Care.

"A person does not care how much you know about them until they know how much you care for them."

This is one line that was etched in my mind all-day today. I think it's very true.

Runaway.

I hate it when you never listen to me and in the end, it never matters. You'll blame me anyway. You never hear what I have to say. You find fault in me, for other's faults. It's fucking fucked up. If I weren't there, who the fuck will you blame then? Who? The next day, you act like nothing happened. Totally awesomeness man.

At least I learnt something today. I learnt how to play pool. I wouldn't have if I obeyed you blindly like a fucking stupid lackey. I've neither done anything wrong, nor am I doing anything immoral. I'm just following what my hearts tells me, what I feel is right. It's time for you to get a mind of your own and break this age-old tradition. It's time for change.

Right now, I don't really feel like talking to you at all. And I even kind of hate you. But this hate won't last, for you are after all my flesh and blood.

I just wish you would see where I'm coming from. Everyday. I wish.

I tried to be the one that everybody loved.

Where has that gotten me?

I tear myself to shreds to prove that I'm someone,

that I can never be.

What to do.

I have no idea. Feel like puking.

Watched 17 Again with the guys and my brother in Cineleisure. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

It was a pretty good movie. Really sweet and stuff. Hmmm...

After that we chillaxed at the 24 hours Starbucks at Pacific Plaza. My brother and I kinda dozed off, Jude and Jeremy were talking.

Took the first bus back to Hougang. Freaking bus was freaking cold.

Now am home and am tired. Goodnight.

How could this be done
By such a smiling sweetheart
Oh and your sweet and pretty face
In such an ugly way something so beautiful
Everytime I look inside

Summer has come and passed.

The innocence can never last.

Wake me up, when September ends.

Or when my school ends.

My Geek.

Passed out in our school clothes

so we'd wake up in our Sunday's best.

I never asked for your opinion,

I just got it,

and I get it.

HAPPY EASTER!

Happy Easter everyone! Hope you guys had your fill of chocolate easter eggs and bunnies! (: Anyways today was really fun! (: I went over to Jude's place last night to do up my very own CACTI GARDEN!!! They all have names! (: Lucy, Leo, Neo, Maggie, Megan, Maddie, Sunshine, Tyson, Billie, Susan and Spike. (: I haven't thought of a name for my two succulents yet though... Jude re-potted his herbs too! (: The Chilli Padis are growing very very well! We spent a total of about 3 hours re-potting all our plants in the kitchen... Legs all became numb! After that, we did some easter decos. (:

Today, we ate at Boon Tong Kee! (: Like really until damn full-up... After that, Jude, Jimmy, Sharon, Jude and Sharon's parents and I went to Pasir Ris Park to play. Wanted to catch a movie but we missed the last show... THE PLAYGROUND WAS REALLY REALLY FUN! (: We were really like kids, climbing up and down the space walk and stuff. The DISH was really fun! But it started spinning too fast. The slide.... I kinda got stuck... It just shows that I've gotta lose A LOT of weight. PRONTO. Nevertheless, it was an awesome day and I really enjoyed my Easter. (:

I'd give up forever to touch you,

'Cos I know you'd feel me some how.

You're the closet to heaven than I'll ever be

and I don't want to go home right now.

Maundy Thursday.

Lilly just came back from Maundy Thursday procession. It's my first time going from church to church to church on Maundy Thursday. (:

You alone are my heart's desire.

ACCEPTED!

TODAY IS A REALLY AWESOME DAY FOR ME...

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO NAFA!!!

WOOOHOOOO!!!!!

These waves crash against me,

Reflections, nothing more.

But they teach us how to hold,

while stars shine above me,

from world long since dead.

Can we remember just to live?

I ❤ Judey.

Judey gave me something today. A really cute CD case, which contains a short letter written on a round paper, posed as a CD and a booklet inside, which had songs names and short letters and totally adorable stick-figure drawings. That boy is so cute... Totally made me smile. (: It was in a paper bag fashioned out of 2 A2 sized paper and a nice pinkish-red organza ribbon, complete with his perfect bow tying skills. Really really nice. I love it so much...

So you stole my heart,

and left me a ransom letter.

Demanding I treat you better,

should I ever want it back.

Should I Go Wordless?

I can't speak my feelings very well. It'll be gibberish if I spoke it. Really. Even if I spoke, it's like I did a crime. When I don't I get the same shit. So my feelings get all mushed up like major big time, and when I finally can say stuff, it comes out gibberish. I feel that I need to be heard. I guess I fear that truth will turn to treason. I really want to be able to tell you how I feel. It would help if it was more encouraging than smiting.

Should I go wordless?

If speaking's a crime.

Bluebottle.

I don't want to fight, or foul things up. I just to clear up these feelings in my heart.

Passed out in our school clothes

so we wake up in our Sunday's best.

I never asked for your opinion.

I just got it, and I get it.

Well I've got a confession.

Hey hey people. Haven't been updating my blog, so here's what happened for the past few days.

Jude and I went camping for 2 days and 2 nights at East Coast Park. (: And it kinda rained on both days. It was fun hiding out in the tent which was extremely hot in the day time. It

wasn't so bad when it was raining. There was a small water spurt off the coast during the rain. COOLNESS RIGHT? If you look closely in the picture below you'll see a very fain water spurt. Yep!

Anyways, for the whole time we were there, we ate CHICKEN WINGS and SAUSAGES!!! HAHAHA! (: Really awesome... And for the first time, I went tanning. AND I GOT FREAKING SUNBURNT!Today, we caught up with JIMMY! Went to Punggol End and chilled out and stuff...

When the sun went down, we headed down to Compass Point for dinner and to finish up Jude's project. Stopped by Timezone to play a few games. Hung out at Starbucks and stuff. Jeremy got cold and we decided to leave for home. (: Jeremy and Jude were playing the "Last Touch" game. After Jeremy got onto the bus, Jude and I walked back to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun". HAHAHA! When we got back to my place, we just hung out under the block for a while and Jude started singing to "When I Grow Up" and acting all gay... HAHAH!

Midnight walking all around my block,

at midnight wishing that you were just lost.

Wishing I was somewhere lost with you,

instead of lost without you, Baby Bleu.

Starbucks. My "Third" Place. (:

I spend a whole lotta time at Starbucks. Not only because I work there, I go to Starbucks even after I just got off work. Even now, I'm at Starbucks at Compass Point, with Jude, waiting for him to finish his assignments, having a Tall Hazelnut Soy Steam Milk.

Digression.;

I swear Judey boy has the longest boy-lashes I've ever seen. They're so pweeety.... I wish I had nice nice eyelashes like him... Mine are so darn short.t

Anyways, I really wanna go for the Oasis concert, and sing along with them to "Wonderwall".

Random;

I really need to piss... BIG TIME. But I'm lazy to go to the toilet like 100 metres away...

But if you wanna leave, take good care.

Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear,

but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Chipolata! CHIPOLATA!

Lilian ❤ CHICKEN CHIPOLATA! (:

You guys should try it too! Head down to Starbucks and grab one! Damn shiok...

Neeways... Nic and I stayed back at Sbux to do up the picture boards for the partners. :) And we made many lame-ass mistakes that made us laugh like... I have no idea what... HAHAH!

Now I'm back home... Tired... I might sleep a little earlier today. (:

You're smiling wide with slender frame.

You're immoveable in recollection,

underneath that real thing that you do.

I can feel the real you,

I can see inside you.

The Boy In Striped Pajamas.

Judey and I went to town to eat and watch a movie called The Boy In Striped Pajamas. It was a really good show, with such a tragic ending. Bruno is such a sweet sweet innocent boy.

Nee-ways, after the movie, Jude and I walked really fast to the train station to catch the last train. Once at Sengkang, Judey walked me back. And we talked of war, cables, satellites and stuff... HAHA! (:

So kiss me goodbye,

Honey I'm gonna make it out alive.

So kiss me goodbye,

I can see the venom in your eyes.

Goodbye.

Touch Me Baby.

The past week has been hectic. New store's really awesome! So come by and check out Starbucks at Tampines Mall. Really really cool stuff.

Fell sick. Headaches and body aches...

Guess what? MY DESK IS CLEAN!!! Credit goes to my incredibly, awesomely, sweet boyfriend... (: Tell me who would help you clean up your desk? Even my own brother won't help me. HAHA!

LOVE YOU JUDEY!

I'm screaming at the top of my lungs,

pretending the echos belong to someone.

Someone I used to know.

For Better Fucking Endings. Time For Change.

I am flawed. Who isn't? I need to start to make things easier for myself and everyone else.

CHANGE IS NEEDED. 

From Autumn To Ashes.

Autumn:

Oh why can't I be what you need?

A new improved version of me.

But I'm nothing so good,

no I'm nothing.

Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs

of violence, of love and of sorrow.

I beg for just one more tomorrow.

Where you hold me down, fold me in,

deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins.

I break in two over you.

I break in two 

and each piece of me dies,

and only you can give the breath of life.

But you don't see me,

you don't.

Here I'm in between darkness and light,

bleached and blinded by these nights.

Where I'm tossing and tortured until dawn

by you, visions of you, then you're gone.

The shock that lifts the red from my face

when I hear someone's taking my place.

How could love be so thoughtless? So cruel?

When all, all that I did was for you.

 

I break in two over you.

I break in two 

and each piece of me dies, 

and only you can give the breath of life.

But you don't see me.

You don't.

Ashes:

You might be just what I need.

No, I would not change a thing.

Been dreaming of this so long, 

but we only exist in this song.

The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow,

and if you come and meet me tomorrow, 

I will hold you down, fold you in,

deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live.

I break in two over you.

I break in two,

and if a piece of you dies,

Autumn, I'll bring you back to life. 

Of course, I see you.

I do. 

Well...

Today, I woke up late for work. Again. Best part is, I don't have an apron! Left it somewhere. :(

So I thought that the store would have a spare one or something. It did have a spare one but someone was already using it. So I had to go to East Point to borrow an apron. When I finally got back on the floor, I was so retarded. There was a slam and I kinda kept freezing up and moving in the wrong directions and I kept stuttering. Sue was pretty pissed. Well I don't blame her. It's me. I'm too rusty in my skills. At that time I was really feeling the stress and I swear I almost broke down. But I kept singing "Three Little Birds" in my head. On repeat. It really helps man. That song works wonders. Never fails to loosen up your muscles and bringing up the mood.  

I wished you were here. 

I would hold you close, 

Ever so near. 

You see the good in me,

that few would ever see.

Even me.

If I'd lost everything.

All except you,

I'd never look further,

for any comfort,

for you are right here for me. 

Fill Me Up.

I need some love sauce in my heart. HAHA! Kae... I just thought this picture is so darn cute. (: 

Machete In Back.

I never thought you would say those hurtful things behind my back.

I never thought you disliked me that much.

I've always thought you were someone I could talk when I needed to. 

I guess I was wrong. 

I can't believe my eyes. 

It's frustrating to know that I confided so much in you when you had so much dislike for me. 

I have never dislike you in anyway.

You've helped me a whole lotta times. I've helped you too. We scratched each other's back. 

But I guess all those time, you were just judging me, gathering things to gossip about.

Never thought I say this but,

GET A FUCKING LIFE. 

Really really upset. I swear, I have never been this upset before. I don't know how I'm gonna talk to you or anything anymore. Really.

Dream.

Okay. I'm gonna say this to the whole world. And once I do, I can't back out. :

I, Lilian Huang, will and must do the following things.

-Clean and arrange my room neat and tidy.

-Clean the rest of the house.

-Wash and iron clothes.

-Replace items in the house that is not up to standard.

-Cook dinner most of the nights. 

-Start to make decisions for myself, by myself.

-Appreciate every little thing.

-Take control of my emotions.

-Get the freaking bunk bed out of my room.

-Ask for help when needed.

-Be pleasant. 

-Have more believe in myself.

-Stop putting myself down.

-Most importantly, Be myself no matter what. ( Although cleaning and all that shizzays don't really sound like me. LOL) 

Yep. I have to do all that is listed above.  I would probably need help in a few areas though. (: Hopefully I can follow this tiny guide and even maybe add more stuff to it to improve myself, improve the life at home, improve the life of my family and friends. I really hope that the days to come would be happy days. 

Broken.

12.00 - 3.36

Okay. I guess you forgot to call... Not anyone's fault but I'm only human and I can't help but feel a little sore... 

Oh well... No hard feelings... 

Music: Walking by Boys Night Out.

You confuse me sometimes.

You confuse me sometimes. 

Really. 

I guess I'm confused.

Explain to me. 

Econs sucks balls. 

I've learnt something;

Never put someone as your priority, when you're just an option to them. 

Simple. It will save you from feeling small and unworthy. Because you know you're not unworthy. No one should feel that way about themselves. Although sometimes I feel that way. 

Music: Soulless Child - Laura Marling

I wanna run but only far enough to make you miss me.

I love you Judey Boy... 

You make my heart skip not just a beat, but many beats.

You make my day by breaking my legs with your lame jokes. 

I don't have to be someone else when I'm with you. I can just be me.

AIYA. 

There's so much I want to say, but there are no such perfect words to describe you.

I'm no good at poems.

I'm no good at songs.

All I know is that we get along. (: 

LOVE YOU JUDEY JUDEY JUDE! 

The Beach.

Okay. We went to the East Coast to camp out in the middle of the night! Yep. We went to East Coast only at 1 am and camped til the next afternoon. I'm kinda LAZY to type right now, so I'll let the pictures do the talking! (:

Yep. I wished we could camp out by the sea forever... 

P.S. I tried smoking... 

Music: Bury Your Head by Saosin.